The Evil List
by Down the Rabbit Hole
Summary: Aka snippets from the life of an Evil (Over)Lord in the process of conquering the world.
1. 5 oct 03 Snippet 1

**The Evil List**

_Aka__ snippets from the life of an Evil (Over)Lord in the process of conquering the world._

Fandom: HP

Genre: Humour, Horror 

Ratings: PG-13

Pairings: none

Warning: _IMBHO (in my beta's humble opinion?)** It** **may seem crazy, then it makes perfect, beautiful logic that could have come straight from the mouth of Thufir Hawat.** **Strange, but quite in character for Voldemort.**** You folks out there really need to take a gander at that list. Maybe then we'll  all finally be able to do Voldemort the justice he so richly deserves—or any other Dark Lord, for that matter. But if you like your Evil Lords to be seemingly brainless and easily defeated, instead of possessing horror of horrors! a brain that actually works on logic's lines, then this is not for you.**_

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and his merry world belong to JK Rowling and whoever else owns some part of the concept. The **Evil Overlord List, **on the other hand**, **is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach and can be found at www.eviloverlord.com

I worship at the feet of the geniuses who contributed to put this on the net. Take a look, you'll understand.

**A/N**: I'm taking suggestions for other snippets. Come on, you know you want to.

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Snippet 1

**_I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them. _**

_"Don't waste your breath! He can't hear you from here!"_

_"Can't I, Potter?"_

He should have killed the brat there and then, not wasted the precious few next seconds talking. The meddling old fool of Dumbledore wouldn't have had the time to interfere then. 

Next time, he would kill first, talk later. Corpses made great listeners, he found out now that he had some thought on the matter. And they did not grate on his nerves as much as the living.

"Mas.. Master? Wh…  who are you talking t…"

Neither did they sputter, tremble and trail off stupidly around him. It grew tiring after a while, especially among his Death Eaters. On the other hand, the smell was starting to incommode even him. Oh well, all things had a price.

Turning to face Wormtail, Voldemort smirked when he saw the frightened eyes and pale face. He strolled towards him and his inner glee rose when the Animagus failed to immediately follow him from the eyes. When he finally did, his way of carefully looking anywhere but behind his Master was simply … inspiring.

So, as he passed Wormtail on his way through the door, he spoke as an afterthought, "Wormtail, dispose of our ministry friend. I've had quite enough of him hanging around."

Then, ignoring the strangled reply, Voldemort kept walking. Oh yes, kill first and talk later had definite potential.


	2. 5 oct 03 Snippet 2

Snippet 2

**_I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by. _**

****

"_Crucio_."

"HAAAAAAAA!"

"_Crucio_."

"HAA..aaa..aa…"

"Master." The even tone cut calmly through the broken moans. The voice was assured but respectful, designed to draw his attention but not his wrath. It worked usually.

"You have something to impart, Lucius?" 

The blonde man's cool eyes flickered warily to the writhing body on the ground for an almost imperceptible moment. Good. He had caught the dangerous edge in Voldemort's voice and would tread carefully. "We might still need him alive, My Lord."

"Mmm, mm… _Crucio_." To see Malfoy flinch minutely as the man on the floor started convulsing again, arching his back desperately to escape the pain. It wouldn't work. Finally, Voldemort remarked casually, "He still breathes."

"He'd be more useful to us sane, My Lord," Malfoy reminded cautiously. 

With a sigh, he terminated the spell. Alive and sane. He was spoiling his men.


	3. 5 oct 03 Snippet 3

Snippet 3

**_I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously. _**

"I live to serve you, Master."

"This is satisfying to know, Lucius. But it could be better."

"My Lord?" The tone was suitably worried but a note of calculation still peeked through. Oh yes, Malfoy was smart, powerful and always on the lookout for an advantage in any given situation. In short, a cunning survivor. But he was also a cunning survivor, smart, powerful and always on the lookout for an advantage in any given situation. Absolutely not trustworthy. 

"Proceed with our plans." After all, the Dark Lord had not need to justify himself to anyone, especially not one of his lieutenants.

Watching Malfoy bow and leave, he couldn't help but regret Barty Crouch Junior. Now, there was someone he could trust to be ready to die for him…


	4. 5 oct 03 Snippet 4

Snippet 4

**_I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it. _**

            _Tragic demise of ministry of Magic worker_

_St Mungo's Hospital promised a full…_

"My Lord, news of Bode's death have made the papers."

"What do they say about my gift?"

"It was an accident, My Lord."

"An accident… Do you think the Ministry of****Magic is my friend?"

"…Master? I don't understand."

"Never mind. Have flowers sent to the good investigator."

"Shall I add a card, my Lord?"

"Yes. 'Thank you for your dedication to a just cause.'"

"The search for the truth?"

"Of course not. My quest to attain power."


End file.
